


The Founder's Chronicles a.k.a Tobirama NO!

by GivemeanID



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Eldritch Abomination, Multi, Pigeons, everybody is probably on drugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2020-05-12 23:06:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 189
Words: 7,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19238941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GivemeanID/pseuds/GivemeanID
Summary: Hashirama and his brethen being ridiculous.Konoha as a whole despairs and wonders what they have done to the gods to deserve such a bunch of idiots as their leaders.Series of interconnected drabbles





	1. The Madman

Post Kinkaku incident

Random Konoha advisor: Lord Second, how did you survive your fight with the Kinkaku unit ?!

* Cut to a crazy looking Tobirama, hiding in a tree, siking an army of undead pigeons on the unsuspecting Kinkaku unit while laughing like a maniac *

Tobirama: * wondering how he will get out of this one without being interned *

Tobirama: Sheer luck


	2. The Skeleton War

Hashirama: * in front of a bunch of terrified Uchiha, scolding a sour-looking Tobirama, who is standing in front of an army of reanimated corpses * For the last time Tobirama, I said no skeleton war!

Tobirama: * under his breath, looking dejected * Spoilsport...


	3. The List (part 1)

* First entry of a list placarded in the Hokage Tower *

Toka Senju is no longer allowed to say "How am I gonna kill my way out of this ?" in public. It stresses people.


	4. The Tally Board

* Tally board found in the Hokage office *

* On it are written the names of Hashirama, Madara, Tobirama, Izuna, Toka and Mito *

* Under Mito's name * : infinite tally mark


	5. The List (part 2)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, nineteenth entry *

In the wake of what will be referred to as "The Great Clock Incident", Tobirama Senju is no longer allowed to experiment with space-time ninjutsu.


	6. Why ?

The Founders : * do something stupid, extremely petty and ridiculous and potentially life-threatening *

Konoha as a whole : * roll their eyes so hard they see their brains *


	7. The Fire

Madara : * spits fire on a random ennemy nin *

Random ennemy nin : It burns !

Madara : * rolling his eyes * That's the principle of fire, you idiot!


	8. The List (part 3)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°32 *

Tobirama Senju is no longer allowed to spend more than two days without sleeping. We do not want a repeat of what will be referred to as "The Thing".


	9. Cats, cats, cats

Madara : * enters Tobirama's office to find the man lying on his back on the floor, spread eagle, litterally buried under purring cats *

Madara : * flabbergasted * What the fuck, Senju ?!

Tobirama : * cracks one eye open, disgruntled *

Tobirama : ...

Madara : ...

Tobirama : Therapy.


	10. The Kage Summit

The other Kages : * open the door of the meeting room to see a jittery Tobirama downing an entire pot of coffee while a visibly drunk Hashirama is bawling on a long sufferring Madara's shoulder. Izuna is laughing manically in a corner. The room is in complete chaos *

The other Kages : * slowly close the door and retreat into the halls *


	11. The List (part 4)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°49, starting to look tearstained *

As a consequence of what will be referred to as "That thing we shall not talk about", Izuna is now banned from every kitchen in Konoha.

* Scribbled under said entry *

Watch me


	12. The Goddess

Hashirama : * way too tired for this, litterally despaired with his family at this piont * Mito, you can't seal people into a hellish dimension just because you don't like them...

Mito : * silently looks at him in the eyes *

Mito : * sips tea without breaking eye-contact * No.


	13. The Goddess (part 2)

* Random battlefield somewhere *

Toka : * covered in blood and gore from head to toes, decapitates an ennemy while laughing like a mad woman *

Izuna : * having an internal breakdown, under his breath * Oh my god, marry me...


	14. The List (part 5)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°64, visibly tearstained this time *

Mito Uzumaki is no longer allowed to use any kind of seal on the council members. Yes, even if you don't like them, Mito.


	15. The List (part 6)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°65, looks like someone banged his head on the still fresh ink *

Mito Uzumaki is not allowed to ask Tobirama Senju to use any kind of seal on the council members for her. Yes, even those you don't like, Mito.


	16. The Revelation

Madara : * furious as always, forcefully enters Tobirama's office * Senju ! I need y...

Tobirama : * sitting on the floor crosslegged, with a kitten on his head, busy giving milk to another tiny kitten in his hands * Yes ?

Madara : * unable to speak, dying inside from cuteness overload *


	17. The Insight

Hashirama : * Looks at Tobirama, who has ashes in his hair and on his face, trying to put out a fire *

Hashirama : * Looks at Toka, who is manhandling an overjoyed Izuna to the training grounds, cackling *

Hashirama : * sighing * Why am I the only sane person in this family ?

Mito : * chokes on her tea *


	18. The Revelation (part 2)

Madara : * furious as always, forcefully enters the Senju compound, scaring the guards * Senju ! I need y...

Tobirama : * with a flower crown on his head, playing with the children, looking eerily like a spring god * Yes ?

Madara : * faints from cuteness overload *


	19. The Thing

Tobirama : * On the sixth day of a research binge, sleep deprived as fuck and over cafeinated * What if I do that ?

Tobirama : * Later, still sleep deprived as fuck, on the roof of his lab, watching the eldritch horror he somehow created trying to eat a flailling Hashirama. Madara is screaming in the background. The village is in utter chaos * Hum...


	20. The List (part 7)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°84, scribbled *

Tobirama Senju is not allowed to drink more than two cup of coffee a day.

* Written very distincly under said entry *

Worst idea of your life, Anija


	21. The Little Brother

Izuna : * smiling way too much, plops on a chair in front of Madara * Sooo...

Madara : What ?

Izuna : * showing much more teeth than is necessary * You and Tobirama ?

Madara : * scrunchs his nose * I want nothing to do with that Senju.

Izuna : * Stands up, waving * Hi Tobi!

Madara : * splutters and flails *

Izuna : * sitting down * Nothing, hey ?


	22. The Revelation (part 3)

Madara : * furious as always, forcefully enters Hashirama's house, breaking the door * Senju ! I need y...

Tobirama : * dripping wet, just out of the shower, almost naked, in the process of drying his hair * Yes ?

Madara : * drooling, trying to will out a boner * Aga...


	23. The Courting

Hashirama : * almost crying * Tobi, we agrred on peace with the Uchiha ! Why did you try to kill Madara ?!!

Tobirama : * furious as fuck * He set fire to my paperwork and claimed it was an act of true love !

Izuna and Toka : * in the background, dying of laughter *


	24. The Bet

Toka : * with a shark smile * I say three months !

Izuna : * smiling as much as her * No way ! Tobi isn't gifted when it comes to social interactions ! Six months !

Mito : * Looks at her two accomplices *

Mito : * Looks at Tobirama who is trangling an extatic Madara while a crying Hashirama is flailing around them *

Mito : * downs her tea in one go * We'll be lucky if Tobi doesn't kill Madara first...


	25. The Oblivious One

Hashirama : * sitting at a table, looking at Tobirama screaming bloody murder, trying to brain an overjoyed Madara with a chair *

Hashirama : * looks at Izuna and Toka, hiding in a corner, wearing their plotting faces *

Hashirama : * sighs * Mito, is there something I am unaware of ?

Mito : * facepalms so hard she will have a mark for weeks *


	26. The loss of innocence

Madara : * on his knees in front of Hashirama, crying * Hashirama, I am the worst friend there is ! I should have asked you !

Hashirama : * wary * ask me what ?

Madara : the permission to court your brother...

Hashirama : * faints *

Izuna : * grumbling, passes twenty bucks to Toka * well, it went better than I thought it would...


	27. The Big Brother

Tobirama : * slaving over paperwork, minding his own business *

Hashirama : * forcefully enters his office * Tobi, you are an adult !

Tobirama : * wondering what got into his brother * yes ?

Hashirama : * Concerned Big Brother face on * It is now my duty as your elder brother to give you... the Talk...

Tobirama : * looks at Hashirama *

Hashirama : * looks at Tobirama *

Tobirama : * hiraishins out of this nonsense *

Hashirama : * throws his hands up * Oh, come on !


	28. The List (part 8)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°103, looks like someone was stabbing the paper with his pen *

Tobirama Senju is not allowed to hiraishin his way out of a conversation

* Scribbled under said entry with the same murderous intent *

Try me !


	29. Fatherhood

Tobirama : * on the verge of fainting from exhaustion, with a big smile on his face, waving a jutsu scroll under a concerned Madara's nose * Look at my baby !


	30. The Courting (part 2)

Tobirama : * enters Hashirama's office like a tornado * Anija ! Your so called best friend is crazy !

Hashirama : * already tired * What did he do this time ?

Tobirama : * looking a little singed * He set fire to my flat while I was in it and claimed it was an act of true love ! And he was way too happy when I punched him in the face !

Hashirama : * done beyond reason, bangs his head on his desk *


	31. The List (part 9)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°112, scribbled like somebody was too tired or too done to write properly *

Madara Uchiha is not allowed to set fire to anything that doesn't belong to him


	32. The Bet (part 2)

Mito : * looking at her tea like it holds all the answers of the universe * You know, maybe we should inform Tobi of the courting process of the Uchiha...

Mito : * looks at the mini tsunami near the Hokage Tower * Preferably before he succeeds in killing Madara...

Izuna : * grinning * Nah, I wanna see him tryna drown my brother one more time !

Toka : * nods vigorously *


	33. The Courting (part 3)

Madara : * akwardly gives a box to Tobirama * That's for you...

Tobirama : * suspiciously eyes the box, then Madara *

Tobirama : * opens the box *

Tobirama : * looks at the bag of Black Death in the box *

Tobirama : * looks at Madara * ...

Madara : ...

Tobirama : Marry me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Black Death is the world strongest coffee, if I am not mistaken :)


	34. The loss of innocence (part 2)

Hashirama : * under a ton of blankets, shivering, looking like he saw the devil *

Izuna and Toka : What happened ?

Mito : * done af, rubbing her husband's back * He saw Madara and Tobi making out in a closet.


	35. The Big Brother (part 2)

Hashirama : * half-screaming, half-crying, forcefully enters Tobirama's office * Tobi ! Did you use protection ?!

Tobirama : * in the middle of a meeting with the Nara, embarrased af, screaming * What the fuck, Anija ?!

Mito : * On the other side of Konoha, sensing her husband did something stupid again, facepalms with all her might * Why me ?


	36. The Little Brother (part 2)

Izuna : * plops on a chair near Madara, grinning * Sooo... How was it ?

Madara : * dreamy af, looks like he was mauled by a wild beast * Heaven...


	37. Babysittor

Hashirama : * happy af, manhandling a grumpy Madara to the training grounds * Madara, Mito is pregnant ! I'm gonna be a father !

Tobirama : * appears out of nowhere, looking a little rabid and sleep deprived, catchs his brother by the shoulders * Babies ?!


	38. The List (part 10)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°134, looks like the person writing was done with the universe *

Tobirama Senju is no longer allowed to kidnap children into his genin team, even if said children are okay with it. Maybe try asking the parents before.


	39. Babysittor (part 2)

Izuna : * happy af, to a sleepy Madara * Mads ! Toka is pregnant ! You're gonna be an uncle !

Tobirama : * appears seemingly out of nowhere, rabid and sleep deprived, scares the Uchiha brothers and catchs Izuna by the shoulders * Babies ?!


	40. The Invasion

Kumo nins : * at Konoha's gates * We've come to invade you !

Konoha's guards : * look sleep deprived and despaired, don't even move *

* Cut to drunk half naked Hashirama frolicking in front of the gates. A gigantic tree suddenly sprouts under the Raikage *

Konoha's guards : Believe us, you really don't want to...


	41. The Invasion (part 2)

Iwa nins : * at Konoha's gates * We've come to invade you !

Konoha's guards : * look dead inside, don't even move *

* Cut to a sick Madara walking in front of the gates. He sneezes. The Tsuchikage's hair catchs on fire *

Konoha's guards : Believe us, you really don't want to...


	42. The Invasion (part 3)

Kiri nins : * at Konoha's gates * We've come to invade you !

Konoha's guards : * don't even bother looking at them *

* Cut to Mito passing the gates, looking regal. The Mizukage pisses his pants *

Konoha's guards : Same, man... Same...


	43. The Invasion (part 4)

Suna nins : * at Konoha's gates * Hum... we... we've come to invade you ?

Konoha's guards : * don't even move, look like they are sleeping *

* Cut to the place in front of the gates where a crazed Tobirama covered in blood is trying to lure an humanoid kraken out of the village *

Kazekage : * Facepalms * You know what ? Fuck it. We're going back to Suna.


	44. The Invasion (part 5)

Taki nins : * at Konoha's gates * We've come to invade you !

Konoha's guards : * look at them with dead eyes *

* Cut to a very pregnant Toka supplexing Izuna in front of the gates *

Taki nins : What. The. Fuck.


	45. Babysittor (part 3)

* At Konoha's hospital, Mito and Toka just gave birth *

Hashirama : * holding his son, crying with happiness * I'm a father !

Izuna : * holding his daughter, crying with happiness * I'm a father !

Tobirama : * appears litterally out of nowhere, with a crazy smile on his face, gigantic bags under his eyes, catches the babies and starts running in the corridors laughing manically * Babies !!

Toka : * exhausted, facepalms * Who is the idiot who told him ?


	46. Shadow Clones

* On a battlefield somewhere *

Tobirama : * out of his mind, to an amused Izuna * For the last time Izuna, I did not use the Kage Bushin to have clone sex !!!

Hashirama : * faints *

Madara : * squeals and blushes madly *

Ennemy nins : * facepalm *


	47. The Art of War

Kinkaku and Ginkaku : We're gonna kill you, Nidaime !

Tobirama : * looking extatic, starts crying * Oh my god ! Thank you so fucking much !

Kinkaku and Ginkaku : * a little uneasy * Who hurt you ?


	48. The Art of War (part 2)

* In a tavern somewhere *

Tobirama : * drunk af, ranting on a very uneasy Kinkaku's shoulder * ... and he never does his fucking paperwork ! And...

Ginkaku : * very seriously, patting Tobirama's arm * I feel you, man. I feel you.


	49. The Art of War (part 3)

* At Konoha *

Random Konoha advisor : Nidaime ! How did you survive your fight with Kinkaku and Ginkaku ?!

Tobirama : * So hungover he does not remember anything * Who ?


	50. The Art of War (part 4)

* At Kumo *

The Raikage : * looking like he's about to kill someone * Caare to explain why the Hokage is still alive ?

Kinkaku : * tries to will his brother to shut up *

Ginkaku : * very seriously * I feel him.

Kinkaku : * facepalms *

The Raikage : * breaks his pen *


	51. Monsanto

* During Madara's attempted invasion *

Tobirama : * done af, eyes twitching, looks at the God Tree *

Tobirama : * sighs, starts making hand signs *

Madara : * crazed * What do you think you're doing, Senju ?!

Tobirama : Ninpo ! Round-up no Jutsu !

God Tree : * dies *


	52. Don't Do Drugs

* During the Kinkaku battle *

Tobirama : * took too many army pills, jittery and high af, has Ginkaku in a headlock * And did you know that possum can fake their own death ?! They're so powerful ! I'm in awe !

Ginkaku : * terrified * Brother, help!

Kinkaku : * face down on the floor, done with the universe, just the last hour listening to the Nidaime rambling about science while fighting him * No.


	53. The List (part 11)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°146, not even written properly *

Tobirama Senju is not allowed to take army pills and/or pain med anymore. Madara, stop encouraging him.

* Under said entry *

Cousin, are you aware that our stock of army pills disappeared ?

* Under said addition, scribbled *

Fuck


	54. Don't Do Drugs (part 2)

* During the first ninja war *

Tobirama : * once again took too many army pills, so fucking high he doesn't even remember his own name * And did you know that sodiu goes boom in water ?! That's so cool !

The Raikage : * tied up to a tree, crying * Please stop.


	55. The List (part 12)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°157, almost unreadable *

The T&I section is not allowed to drug Tobirama Senju to use him as torture implement, no matter how efficient it is.


	56. The Kage Summit (part 2)

Tobirama : ...and this is how I created Edo Tensei...

Nidaime Kazekage : Man, what are you on ?

Tobirama : * smilling * Cocaine. Do you want some ?

Nidaime Kazekage : * shrugs * sure...

The other kage : * cowering in fear in a corner *


	57. The Kage Summit (part 3)

Nidaime Raikage : * to the Mizukage and the Tsuchikage * Anybody knows where are the Hokage and the Kazekage ?

* Cut to an explosion shaking the room, while the manic laugh of the Hokage and Kazekage can be heard *

Nidaime Raikage : * covered in dust, done af, facepalms * Fuck it, I'm going back to Kumo.


	58. The Kage Summit (part 4)

Raikage : * looks at the human disaster is Tobirama Senju * Is everybody on drugs in your goddamn village ?

Tobirama : * looks at him with pupils so dilated his eyes seem black * Not currently, but that can be arranged.

Mizukage : * bangs his head on the table *

Tsuchikage : * facepalms *

Kazekage : * giggles *

Raikage : * makes the mistake to imagine the whole population of Konoha high on something brewed by Tobirama *

Raikage : * faints *


	59. Fatherhood (part 2)

* Still at the Kage summit *

Tobirama : * high af, waving an undead pigeon in front of the Kazekage's face * Look at my baby !

Kazekage : * high af * Sooo cool...

Other kage : * gripping at each other, terrified * What the fuck. What the fuck. What th...


	60. The loss of innocence (part 3)

Madara : * recounting his craziest mission ever *

Tobirama : * suddenly smiling * Hey, it reminds me that time I slaughtered an entire squad with only a bra strip and a pound of flour.

Izuna : * squints *

Mito : * sighs loudly and downs her tea *

Toka : * knows the whole story, starts laughing like a hyena *

Madara : * blushes *

Hashirama : * white as a sheet * Do I want to know ?

Tobirama : * self conscious * No.


	61. The List (part 13)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°172, scribbled *

Tobirama Senju is not allowed to publish " How to kill an entire squad with only a bra strip and a pound of flour ".

* Written very distinctly under said entry *

Too late


	62. The Revelation (part 4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happens after the Revelation part 2

Tobirama : * very seriously * Toka, I'm having boy's problems.

Toka : * doesn't stop reading * Is it a " Oh no, he's hot ! " problem or a " Can't get rid of his corpse " problem ?

Tobirama : The first one.

Toka : Too bad. I could have helped with the second.


	63. Got it from my daddy

Butsuma : * To Tajima * Are you crazy ?!

Tajima : * Without missing a beat * Crazy for you !

Butsuma : What.

Tajima : What.

Madara's uncle : * done * This, children, is the reason we should never have allowed your father to be Clan's Head.


	64. Got it from my daddy (part 2)

Butsuma : * screaming, trying to brain Tajima with something heavy *

Tajima : * flirting full force while trying to spear Butsume *

* On the other side of the battlefield *

Izuna : * twelve, flabbergasted * Why are we still ennemies again ?

Tobirama : * twelve, tired * Because these two idiots are too stupid to accept they should just fuck.


	65. Got it from my daddy (part 3)

Butsuma : * ready to burst a blood vessel * Go fuck yourself Uchiha !

Tajima : * leering * I'd prefer you do it !

* On the other side of the battlefield *

Izuna : * still twelve, still flabbergasted, drinking Tobirama's orange juice * OMG ! Did he really said that ?!

Tobirama : * still twelve, still tired, eating Izuna's popcorn * Yes. Yes, he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, there is no more battle going one. This is just the Senju and the Uchiha sitting around and making bet on when their Clan's Head will finally fuck each other ;)


	66. The Insight (part 2)

Mito : * on the roof of the Hokage Tower, completely disheveled, looks like she is mere seconds aways from performing a mass murder, screaming to the heavens * I am the only sane person in this family !!

Tower guard : * inches towards the exit, scared out of his mind *


	67. The unhelpful one

* During Madara's attempted invasion *

Madara : * detailling his plan with a lot of gesticulations *

Tobirama : * unfazed * Okay. But I want it noted I think this idea is stupid.

Madara : * gags with fury *


	68. The unhelpful one (part 2)

* During Madara's attempted invasion *

Hashirama : * lands heavily on his ass after being punted by Madara *

Hashirama : * to Tobirama * Will you help us or not ?!!

Tobirama : * sipping coffee through an overly complicated straw * Nah, I'd rather sit on the side and make sarcastic comments whenever you fail.

Hashirama : * screams *


	69. The unhelpful one (part 3)

* During Madara's attempted invasion *

Madara : * having the time of his life, monologs while fighting Hashirama *

Tobirama : * appears out of nowhere, a cup of coffee in each hand, tips his sunglasses * Did I miss something ?


	70. Euphemism

Izuna : * hand on his chin * Okay, I might be mistaken, but I think we have a problem.

Tobirama : * trying to prevent a tailed beast to wreck havoc on the village, screaming * Oh really ?!!! I wonder what gave you that impression !!


	71. Babysittor (part 4)

Hashirama : * exhausted, eyes tearing * Tobi, you can't adopt every children that cross your path.

Tobirama : * a child under each arm, another on his back, carrying another in his mouth mama cat style, followed by a gaggle of cackling children * 'ou 'an't chtop 'e !


	72. True Terror

Hashirama : * hiding under his desk with Mito and Toka, to Izuna * Why the fuck did you do that ?

Izuna : * hidding under Hashirama's chair, clutching a coffee pot to his chest * I tried to help him ! You said yourself he was drinking to much coffee !

Madara : * hiding in the closet * So you stole the coffee pot ?! He hasn't drunk coffee for two days now ! He bit me for fuck sake !

Tobirama : * kicking the door open, looking like a creepy zombie * Iiiiizzzuuuunnnaaaaaa...


	73. The Art of War (part 5)

Hiruzen : * to Kinkaku and Ginkaku * Surrender ! Or I'll have to ressort to drastic measures .

Kinkaku and Ginkaku : * laughing * And what are you gonna do, boy ?!

Hiruzen : * grinning creepily * Kagami ! Do the thing !

* Cut to Kagami opening a human sized black box covered in chains, rattling. Tobirama, undercafeinated, gets out, looking ready to eat someone *

Kinkaku and Ginkaku : * piss their pants *


	74. Bees

* During Madara's attempted invasion *

Tobirama : Madara, you have to choose ! Surrender or the bees ?!

Madara : * befuddled * the bees ?

Tobirama : He has chosen the bees !

Hashirama : * chanting * The Bees ! The Bees !

Tobirama : * flings a beehive to Madara's head, cackling *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this meme ^^


	75. Rivalry

* Random battle between the Uchiha and the Senju *

Izuna : * does or says something incredibly stupid *

Tobirama : * rolls his eyes * Izuna, I'm disowning you as a rival.

Izuna : * throws himself at Tobirama's feet * Nooooo.....


	76. The Insight (part 3)

Tobirama : * looking like he just saw the devil, catchs Madara by the shoulders * I am the only sane person in this family.

Madara : * spits his tea *


	77. True Terror (part 2)

Izuna : * boxed in under a table with Madara * Why are we hiding ?

Hashirama : * hidden behind a flower pot * Mito ran out of tea.

Tobirama : * hidding in the closet with Toka * I saw her bite the head off of one of our elders...

Mito : * enters the room, looking disheveled and downright terrifying * Myyy prrreeciioouuusss.....


	78. The Art of War (part 6)

* Random battlefield somewhere *

Hashirama : * a little panicked * Tobi ! Do you have a plan ?

Tobirama : * face blank * Anija, I've been improvising for three hours straight.

Izuna : * snorts *


	79. Rivalry (part 2)

* Random battle between the Uchiha and the Senju *

Hashirama : * makes a fool out of himself *

Madara : * done * Dammit Hashirama ! I'm disowning you as a rival !

Hashirama : * crushes Madara in a hug * Noooo !!!


	80. Shadow Clones (part 2)

Tobirama : * very seriously, to Madara * I created the Kage Bushin with a precise goal in mind.

Izuna : * waltzing in * Clone sex !

Tobirama : * face carefully blank * Excuse me, I have to go kill your brother.

Madara : * beet red * Please do.


	81. Mokuton

Hashirama : * to Madara * And the Mokuton has a lot of advantages. For example, I can have...

Izuna : * waltzing in* Tentacle sex !

Hashirama : * pales and faints *

Madara : * facepalms *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized Hashirama fainted a lot in my stories ^^


	82. The Insight (part 4)

Toka : * watching the shitshow that is her family unfold before her eyes, laughs like a hyena * I am the only sane person in this family !

Izuna : * under his breath * I highly doubt that...


	83. Kinks

Kakuzu : * has his hand around Hashirama's neck * What do you say now, Hokage ?

Hashirama : * in a strangled voice * Harder...

Kakuzu : What.

Hashirama : What.


	84. For Science

Hashirama : * face blank * Tobirama no.

Tobirama : But Anija, it's for sc...

Hashirama : * glaring * The excuse "It's for science" stopped working when you invented the Edo Tensei.

Tobirama : * pouts *


	85. Kinks (part 2)

Madara : * to Tobirama * You are so full of yourself !

Tobirama : * without thinking * I could be full of you !

Madara : * red * What.

Tobirama : What.


	86. The Kage Summit (part 5)

Tobirama : * hasn't slept for days, to the Raikage * And people ask if you are a morning person or an evening person, but I am barely a person, I am ten rabbits in a human skin brought to life by RAGE !

Mizukage : * stage whispering to the Tsuchikage * He drank too much coffee again, didn't he ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And overcaffeinated Tobirama is back !


	87. The joy of married life

Tobirama : * reads quietly *

Madara : * drinks tea *

Tobirama : * out of the blue * Madara, I think we should elope.

Madara : * spits his tea * What ?!

Tobirama : * face blank * I wanna piss off Hashirama.


	88. The Insight (part 5)

Madara : * looking at Tobirama and Mito working on a seal with a crazy expression, while Toka is strangling a flailing Hashirama * Oh my god, they are all insane...


	89. For Science (part 2)

Tobirama : * enters the meeting room with tentacles sprouting out of his back * My experiment backfired.

Izuna : * stares at him blankly *

Izuna : * shark grin, opens his mouth *

Tobirama : * eyes zooming in on him * Don't. You. Dare.


	90. Kinks (part 3)

Kinkaku : * has his hand around Tobirama's neck * What do you say now, Hokage ?

Tobirama : * rolling his eyes * Harder.

Kinkaku : * gaping * What.

Tobirama : * knees him in the groin *

Kinkaku : * falls on the ground, whimpering *

Tobirama : Didn't think it would work.


	91. The unhelpful one (part 4)

Kinkaku and Ginkaku : We're going to kill you, Nidaime !

Tobirama : * gaze zeroing on them * Sorry, all killing requests must be submitted forty-eight hours in advance. Come back in two days.


	92. The unhelpful one (part 5)

Kinkaku and Ginkaku : We're going to kill you, Nidaime !

Tobirama : * sipping coffee * Buy a ticket and get in the line ...


	93. Support

* At the Kage summit *

Raikage : * exhausted * What is that ?

Tobirama : * With a grinning Izuna behind him * Sir, this is my emotionnal support Uchiha ...

Raikage : * starts crying *


	94. For Science (part 3)

* Still at the Kage summit *

Tobirama : * enters the meeting room with rabbit ears sprouting out of his hair * My experiment backfired.

Raikage : * very still *

Kazekage and Mizukage : * dying of laughter in a corner *

Tsuchikage : * looks interested *

Raikage : That's it. I give up.


	95. Kinks (part 4)

* During Madara's attempted invasion *

Madara : * crazed, holding a kunai under Tobirama's throat * What do you say now, Senju ?!

Tobirama : * face extremely blank * Please fuck me.

Madara : * splutters *

Tobirama : * headbutts him *

Tobirama : Works everytime.


	96. Kinks (part 5)

Toka : * has her hand around Izuna's neck * What do you say now, Uchiha ?

Izuna : * in a strangled voice * Harder.

Toka : * shark grin * With pleasure.


	97. For Science (part 4)

Hashirama : * corraling a bunch of black rabbits into a house * This is the last time I'm giving any modicum of power to Tobirama.

Toka : * carrying a bag full of rabbits into the same house * Rooh... you're a little severe.

Hashirama : * looking exhausted * He changed the entire Uchiha clan into rabbits !

Mito : * carrying a single porcupine looking rabbid black rabbit by the ears * I've found Madara !


	98. The List (part 14)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°197, tearstained *

Tobirama Senju is not allowed to experiment on rabbits or the Uchiha clan anymore.

* Under said entry *

But Anija, it's for Science !

* Under said addition *

What did I say, Tobirama ?


	99. The Art of War (part 7)

Kinkaku and Ginkaku : * looking at the scene unfolding before them with wild eyes *

* Cut to Tobirama running after a screeching Raikage, with a pile of scrolls in his arms, chanting " Paperwork ! Paperwork ! Paperwork ! " *

Kinkaku and Ginkaku : What . the . fuck ?

Hiruzen : * sitting crosslegged on the ground * Psychological warfare.


	100. Shadow Clones (part 3)

* Random battle between Uchiha and Senju *

Tobirama : * summons a clone *

Izuna : * screaming * What do you think you're doing, Senju ?!

Tobirama : * catches his clone by the neck and kisses him *

Izuna : * eyes crosses, faints *

Tobirama : * grinning * Thanks for the idea !


	101. For Science (part 5)

* At the Kage summit *

Tobirama : * enters the meeting room with neon pink hair, opens his mouth *

Raikage : * beating him to the spot * Let me guess... your experiment backfired ?

Tobirama : No I lost a bet.

Raikage : * bangs his head on the table *

Other Kages : * dying of laughter *


	102. Kinks (part 6)

Madara : * waggling his eyebrows * I want to try something new.

Tobirama : No.

Madara : * pouting * But...

Tobirama : The last time you said that I ended up with burnt eyebrows.


	103. The unhelpful one (part 6)

Tobirama : * to noone in particular * This is the stupidest idea I've ever heard and I grew up with Hashirama.

Hashirama : Hey !


	104. The joy of married life (part 2)

Madara : * enters Hashirama's office with neon green hair, looking dejected *

Hashirama : You lost a bet ?

Madara : * looks like he lost his last bit of faith in humanity * Tobirama was experimenting in the kitchen.


	105. Drama

Tobirama : * looking utterly done * You are the most dramatic man I've ever met.

Izuna : * sprawled on a piano, wearing nothing but a bathrobe, glass of wine in hand, throwing glitter in the air * I have no idea what you are talking about.


	106. Babysittor (part 5)

Random Konoha adult : * is mean to a child *

Tobirama : * appears out of nowhere and punts them through a wall *


	107. True Terror (part 3)

* at the Kage summit *

Raikage : * sweats profusely as he watches Tobirama *

Tobirama : * with gigantic eyebags, grinning manically, pours a can of Monster in his mug full of coffee *

Tobirama : * downs the whole thing *

Raikage : * faints *


	108. True Terror (part 4)

Madara : * sprawled on the table, chin in his hand, watches as Tobirama threatens Izuna with a tea spoon *

Tobirama : * hasn't slept for five days, looks like a raccoon, crazy gleam in his eyes * Surrender the cookie, Uchiha...


	109. The joy of married life (part 3)

Madara : * eye twitching, enters a room * Tobirama have you seen Izuna ?

Tobirama : * with Izuna distinctly hiding behind him, tries not to smile * No.

Madara : Tobirama... I can see him, he's behind you, he's hiding his head under your shirt.

Tobirama : * lower lip trembling as he fights a fit of laughter * This is my siamese twin, Anuzi.

Madara : ...

Madara : Why did I marry you, again ?


	110. For Science (part 6)

Tobirama : * starts an experiment * There is no way this will backfire.

* Cut to two hours later, Konoha is in flammes, Hashirama is crying in a corner, Madara is screaming his head off *

Tobirama : * covered in soot, with no eyebrows left * This backfired spectacularly.


	111. The joy of married life (part 4)

Toka : * enters the meeting room, a little disheveled * Sorry I am late, I was doing stuff.

Izuna : * enters after her, really disheveled * I am stuff.


	112. The joy of married life (part 5)

Mito : * enters the meeting room, a little disheveled * Sorry I am late, I was doing stuff.

Hashirama : * sitting at the meeting table, looking exhausted * You blew up the lab again, didn't you ?

Mito : * suppremely disinterested * I flooded it, actually.


	113. The joy of married life (part 6)

Tobirama : * enters the meeting room, a little disheveled * Sorry I am late, I was doing stuff.

Madara : * enters just after him, crazed, covered in bruises * He pushed me off a cliff !


	114. Drama (part 2)

Hashirama : Tobi, you're being dramatic !

Tobirama : * sharpening a gigantic axe and eying Madara darkly * I have no idea what you are talking about.

Hashirama : He just forgot to buy coffee, dammit !


	115. The List (part 15)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°203, scribbled *

Tobirama Senju is not allowed to try to behead his husband if he forgets to buy coffee.

* Under said entry *

Can somebody take his axe please ? I am scared.


	116. The List (part 16)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°207, very tearstained *

Madara-sama and Izuna-sama are not allowed to play "I can make my Senju scream louder" anymore. We would like to sleep and keep what's left of our faith in humanity.

The Uchiha Clan


	117. The Oblivious One (part 2)

Hashirama : * smiles, emitting a lot of killing intent * Madara, it came to my understanding that you and my brother are having... sex...

Madara : * dumbfounded * Hashirama, we've been maried for two years.


	118. The Oblivious One (part 3)

Hashirama : * smiles, emitting a lot of killing intent * Izuna, it came to my understanding that you and my cousin are having... sex...

Izuna : * flabbergasted * Hashirama, we had a baby together.


	119. Drama (part 3)

* At a family dinner *

Hashirama : Madara can you pass the salt ?

Madara : * launches Tobirama over the table *


	120. Cats, cats, cats (part 2)

Tobirama : * in the middle of a devastated room, stares at Madara *

Madara : Tobi, no.

Tobirama : * squints *

Madara : * starts sweating * Tobi...

Tobirama : * shoves a flowerpot off the desk, very pleased with himself *

Madara : * screeches *


	121. Friendship goals

* Random mission gone really wrong *

Izuna : * panicked, to Tobirama * If we get out of here alive, I'm getting your face tattooed on my ass !!

* Cut to five days later, in front of a tattoo parlor *

Izuna : * sheepish * Is it too late to come back on my word ?

Tobirama : * with a sadistic face, pushes him inside *


	122. Friendship goals (part 2)

Mito : * upon meeting Tobirama, with a big smile on her face * You and me are now best friend forever and we're gonna take over the world !

Tobirama : * grinning * Hell yes !

Toka : * looking at Hashirama * Did you just piss yourself ?


	123. The Little Brother (part 3)

Hashirama and Madara : * come back from a diplomatic mission *

Konoha : * is in flammes, people scream and run everywhere *

Tobirama : * under the gates, covered in soot, looking unrepentant * In my defence, I was left unsupervised...


	124. The Madman (part 2)

Raikage : * at the gates of Kumo * I have a bad feeling...

* Cut to Kinkaku and Ginkaku running to the gates, terrified out of their minds *

Tobirama : * on their heels, foaming at the mouth * I'll eat your souls through your kneecaps !!

Raikage : * facepalms * Close the gates...


	125. The List (part 17)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°213 *

Tobirama Senju is not allowed to be left unsupervised in a lab ever again. You know what you did.


	126. The List (part 18)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°215, tearstained *

Izuna Uchiha is not allowed to enable Tobirama Senju. Especially when he is sleepdeprived. He blew up the Tower, dammit !


	127. The List (part 19)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°219, scribbled *

The Nara are not allowed to go on missions outside the village anymore. They are now required to watch the sky in case of attacks.

* Under said entry *

Shikako, we know it's you. Go back to work.


	128. The List (part 20)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°220 *

The Nara are not allowed anywhere near that list. You know what you did.

* Under said entry *

T'was worth it.


	129. Bees (part 2)

* During Madara's attempted invasion *

Tobirama : Madara you have to choose ! Surrender of the bees ?!

Madara : * deadpans * Surrender...

Tobirama : * dejected, lets go of the beehive * Aaawwww...


	130. Drama (part 4)

Tobirama : * trying not to laugh * Mito, maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt...

Mito : * about to hang a tied up Hashirama to the Tower's bannister * He forgot to buy tea.


	131. The Big Brother (part 3)

Tobirama : * horrified, looking desperately for an exit * I am... in no way... related to you...

Hashirama : * wearing a banana onesie, pouting * But Tobi ...!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a vivid flash of banana! Hashirama. Was not able not to share ^^


	132. Don't Do Drugs (part 4)

Hashirama : * looks innocent af * I never did drugs in my life. Ever.

Tobirama : * rolls his eyes, longsuffering * You are growing marijuana in your backyard, Anija.


	133. True Terror (part 5)

Tobirama : * hasn't slept for days, mixes three pots of coffee, five cans of Monster and a handful of soldiers pills *

Tobirama : * looks at Madara * Sleep is for the weak.

Tobirama : * downs the whole thing in one go *

Tobirama : * astral projects to another plane of existence and hiraishins straigth into a wall *

Madara : * Looks at the human disaster he married *

Madara : * sighs *


	134. Don't Do Drugs (part 5)

Toka : * on the top of the Hokage monument, wearing a cape * I am the Queen of the World ! Fear me !

Madara : * facepalming, to a sheepish Izuna * I told you the red pills we found in Tobi's lab weren't smarties...


	135. For Science (part 7)

Hashirama : * holding a net, trying to catch a feral Tobirama * Tobi ! It's time to go to sleep !

Tobirama : * overcaffeinated and sleep deprived * Noooo ! Science ! I must do science !

Hashirama : Madara ! Help !

Tobirama : * hisses, bolts and runs *

Tobirama : * takes the door to the face and fall, knocked out *

Madara : * facepalms * Why did I marry him ?


	136. Drama (part 5)

Izuna : * crying * I want a divorce !

Tobirama : * tired by his antics * Izuna, she just burnt the cookies...

Izuna : * offended * I am the Uchiha in this relationship ! I am the only one allowed to burn things !

Toka : * in the background, facepalming * Why did I marry him ?


	137. Got it from my daddy (part 4)

* Somewhere in the afterlife *

Tajima : * watches Tobirama kissing Madara senseless *

Tajima : * watches Toka and Izuna getting at it like rabbits *

Tajima : * crying * My babies... Uping the game from fucking with Senju to actually fucking a Senju... I am so proud of them...

Butsuma : * in the background, screaming *


	138. Don't Do Drugs (part 6)

Madara : * patting Tobirama's hair with wonder * Pretty rabbit... pretty rabbit... pretty rabbit...

Tobirama : * to Hashirama, really angry * You promised on the graves of our ancestors that you wouldn't bake space cake.

Hashirama : * a little sorry * In my defence, he wasn't supposed to eat it.


	139. Don't Do Drugs (part 7)

* In the middle of the night, Tobirama's house *

Hashirama : * standing at the front door, looking exhausted, Mito clutching his shoulders and nomming on his head * She might have eaten the space cake.

Tobirama : * slams the door in his face *


	140. The List (part 21)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°231 *

Hashirama Senju is not allowed to bake anymore. Period.


	141. Friendship goals (part 3)

Izuna : * enters a room to see Madara trying to stab Hashirama with a knitting needle while Hashirama tries to strangle him with a scarf *

Izuna : What the fuck ?

Tobirama : * lounging on a couch, eats popcorn as he watches the shitshow unfold * Knitting match got a little heated...


	142. Friendship goals (part 4)

Izuna : * stubs his toe * Ow...

Tobirama : * appears out of nowhere with a shovel * Who do I have to bury ?


	143. Friendship goals (part 5)

Tobirama : * looking like innocence incarnated, to a Uchiha policeman, while Izuna is screeching and shoved into a cell * No officer, I don't know this person.


	144. Don't Do Drugs (part 8)

* At the Kage summit *

Tobirama : * pupils so dilated his eyes are black, nostrils flaring, a little crazed, to a longsuffering Raikage * Do you ever grab your own tit and go " Hey, nice " ?

Raikage : * exhausted * the fuck are you on ?

Tobirama : Hell if I know...

Other kage : * pissing themselves with laughter *


	145. Winter is coming

Tobirama : * cureled into a ball in one of Hashirama's cupboards, sleeping soundly *

Madara : * eyes wide, gaping * What the fuck ?

Hashirama : * sipping tea * Hibernation...


	146. Winter is coming (part 2)

Madara : * longsuffering, enters the Tower with Tobirama piggyback riding him, face buried in his hair and purring loudly, to a roaring Toka * He claimed I was " warm and fluffy " and refused to let go.


	147. Winter is coming (part 3)

Izuna : * enters Tobirama's office, fanning himself * Phew, it's hot in here...

Tobirama : * buried under so many blankets and scarves only his eyes are visible, fuming * I will end you...


	148. The Revelation (part 5)

Tobirama : * watches Madara doing something stupid * Gods, I can't believe I'm gonna marry this idiot...

Toka : * dumbfounded * ... you... don't have to...

Tobirama : No, but I'm gonna...


	149. The Art of War (part 8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reread FMA ^^

* Random battle between the Senju and the Uchiha *

Tobirama : * with gigantic eyebags, looking a little crazy, whips out a megaphone and screams * Peeling onions !!!

Every Uchiha in the vincinity : * scream and cry *


	150. The Art of War (part 9)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How they really ended up having peace ;)

* Random battle between the Senju and the Uchiha *

Hashirama : * to Madara * Accept peace !

Madara : Absolutely fucking n..!

Tobirama : * with a creepy grin, gets his megaphone out *

Madara : Yes ! yes we'll have peace !


	151. For Science (part 8)

Konoha : * is attacked by a slimy monster spitting rainbows *

Hashirama : * long-suffering, turns to Tobirama *

Tobirama : * living picture of innocence * It wasn't me, I have an alibi.

Hashirama : * dead inside * Izuna is not an alibi.

Tobirama : * quietly under his breath * fuck...


	152. The joy of married life (part 7)

Madara : * drunk af * My husband is the best !

Tobirama : * even drunker * No, my husband is the best !

Madara : No, my husband...

Toka : * trying and failing not to laugh, to Izuna * Do we tell them ?!


	153. The Art of War (part 10)

Gold and Silver Brothers : We're going to kill you, Ni... daime... Where is he ?

Hiruzen : * long-suffering, sitting on the ground next to a cardboard cutout of Tobirama * He's on strike.


	154. The joy of married life (part 8)

Tobirama : * long-suffering * So what did we learn ?

Madara : * with neon pink hair and pigtails * Never question anything Mito does...


	155. The Little Brother (part 4)

Tobirama : * wearing a shirt that says "Face down, ass up, that's how I like to fuck", stares at Hashirama without blinking *

Hashirama : * keetle noises *

Madara : * sweats profusely *


	156. Drama (part 6)

Madara : * comes back after a mission gone haywire *

Tobirama : * sighs * Madara come here.

Madara : * does *

Tobirama : Closer.

Madara : * does *

Tobirama : Cloooosssseeerr...

Madara : * rolls his eyes but does *

Tobirama : * whips megaphone out and screams * What the fuck were you thinking ?!!!


	157. The List (part 22)

* Same list in the Hokage Tower, entry n°247 *

Surrender the megaphone, Tobirama !

* Under said entry *

Over my dead body !


	158. Why ? (part 2)

Hashirama : * screaming * Give me that megaphone Tobi !!

Tobirama : * screaming * Never !

Random nin : Why are we obeying them again ?

* Cut to tsunami crashing against a forest that suddenly sprouted from the ground *

Random nin : Ah.


	159. Friendship goals (part 6)

Izuna : * naked, chained down in the deepest cell of a dungeon * I fucked my way into this mess and I'll fuck my way out !

Tobirama : * in the same predicament, glaring daggers * I'm telling Toka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Izuna is a bard, change my mind !
> 
> And Tobi is the long-suffering rogue/necromancer preventing him to get killed ^^


	160. True Terror (part 6)

Tobirama : * bloodshot eyes, hair and clothes in disarray, smells very strongly of coffee and energy drinks, waving a scroll * Look what I did !


	161. The joy of married life (part 9)

Izuna : * drunk and tired, doesn't see straight * I love you babe !

Hashirama : * flustered, cheeks pink * I am flattered but I think you got the wrong Senju...


	162. A normal day in Konoha

Madara : * sweating, close to panic * Tobi no !

Tobirama : * manic, covered in ink * Tobi yes !

* Cut to an explosion blowing up the roof of the Tower *

Hashirama : * clutching a broken flowerpot, crying * Tobi why ?!


	163. The joy of married life (part 10)

Izuna : * drunk and tired, doesn't see straight * I love you babe !

Tobirama : * sober, fully intending to mess with him * I love you too, idiot !


	164. Drama (part 7)

Random nin : And what are you gonna do ? Headbutt me in the chest ?

Tobirama : * twelve, small and angry * Say goodbye to your kneecaps, asshole !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon that Tobi hit puberty really late and was small and scrawny till his sixteenth birthday at least. When he hit puberty, he suddenly sprouted like weed and became tall and large. However, he still fights like a small person and a lot of dickpunching is involved ^^


	165. The joy of married life (part 11)

Izuna : * drunk and tired, doesn't see straight * I love you babe !

Madara : * exhausted * Izuna you need glasses...


	166. Drama (part 8)

Hashirama : * panicked * Tobi you are in excess !

Tobirama : * manic * Always in excess !

* Cut to the army of the dead sprouting in the middle of the battlefield *

Ennemy nins : ...

Ennemy nins : Hello, we would like to surrender, please.


	167. Drama (part 9)

* Cut to Tobirama and Izuna being chased by a Tailed Beast *

Izuna : * screaming * We are going to die !!

Tobirama : Think positively !

Izuna : * still screaming * We are going to die quickly !

Tobirama : * deadpans * That's not what I meant.


	168. The joy of married life (part 12)

Izuna : * drunk and tired, doesn't see straight * I love you babe !

Toka : * very drunk too, doesn't see straight * Back off, I'm married !


	169. Drama (part 10)

Hashirama : Tobi, have you seen Madara ?

Tobirama : * sitting on a human sized box that rattles and screeches * No.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Madara forgot to buy coffee again. He's suffering the consequences ^^


	170. Drama (part 11)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow up of last chapter

Hashirama : Okay ! If you see him, can you tell him I'm looking for him ?

Tobirama : * still sitting on the box * Sure.

* Cut to the box that screeches louder *


	171. A normal day in Konoha (part 2)

Madara : * panicked * Izuna no !

Tobirama and Toka : * chanting * Izuna yes !

* Cut to Izuna setting fire to one of Kurama's tails *


	172. Friendship goals (part 7)

Izuna : Punch me in the face !

Tobirama : What ?

Izuna : I said punch me in the face. Didn't you hear ?

Tobirama : I always hear punch me in the face when you speak but usually it's subtext.


	173. A normal day in Konoha (part 3)

Hashirama and Madara : * stand in front of a devastated Konoha *

Hashirama : * crying * Who did that ?!

Madara : * right eye twitching * Statistically speaking, it was either our brothers or your wife.


	174. The danger of metaphors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It happens before they are married

Madara : * to Tobirama * Let me drink at your water !

Tobirama : * oblivious * We all have tapwater. Why would mine be better than yours ?


	175. The danger of metaphors (part 2)

Madara : * to Tobirama * Let me sink in your depths !

Tobirama : * oblivious * My pond is not a swimming pool, Uchiha !


	176. The danger of metaphors (part 3)

Madara : * to Tobirama, a little desperate * You light my fire !

Tobirama : * still oblivious * I thought you were the Katon specialist...


	177. The danger of metaphors (part 4)

Madara : * to Tobirama, really desperate * Let me raw you like a piece of meat !!

Tobirama : * threatening * Do you want to fight, Uchiha ?


	178. The danger of metaphors (part 5)

* Meanwhile *

Hashirama : * oblivious *

Mito : * cringes everytime Madara opens his mouth *

Izuna and Toka : * convulsing of laughter on the ground *


	179. The Art of War (part 11)

Random nin : What if we cut Konoha's trade routes ?!

Random nin boss : * having war flashbacks about that one time they did just that and had to fight an undercaffeinated Tobirama *

Random nin boss : No.


	180. Don't Do Drugs (part 9)

Madara : * at the gate of the Senju compound * I have a fleeting suspicion that everybody is on drug here...

Hashirama : * bloodshot eyes, blown pupils, looks somewhere above Madara's right shoulder, visibly smoking weed * Now, Mada, what gave you that impression ?


	181. The Skeleton War (part 2)

* At the Kage Summit *

Raikage : I'm declaring war on Konoha !

Hashirama : This is a bad idea...

Raikage : Oh yeah ?! And why ?!

Hashirama : * right eye twitching * Because Tobi's been dying to use his skeleton war jutsu for years now. Do not give him a reason to.

Hashirama : * craddling the Raikage's face between his palms * Do. NOT.


	182. The Skeleton War (part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> directly follows last snippet

* Meanwhile in Konoha *

Madara : Tobi, why are you putting frogs in your brother's bed ?

Tobirama : * rabid * I have the feeling that he has wronged me !


	183. Babysittor (part 6)

Random child : * breathes *

Tobirama : * clutching his heart * Precious baby... must protect...


	184. For Science (part 9)

Hashirama : * looking very tired * Tobi, I understand that you live and breathe science, but believe me, this is not a good idea...

Madara : * tied up to a rocketship pointed at the moon * Please listen to him !


	185. The Big Brother (part 4)

Hashirama : Why are you naked ?

Tobirama : * clutching a sheet to his chest, blushing, hair in disarray * I don't have anymore clean clothes...

Hashirama : * opening Tobirama's closet * Nonsense ! Look ! You have pants, you have shirts, hello Madara, you have yukata...


	186. The joy of married life (part 13)

Madara : * trying to prove something to the Uchiha Elders * Babe ! Do the thing !

Tobirama : * rolls his eyes fondly and flexes *


	187. Friendship goals (part 8)

Izuna : Say, Tobi ! What are we doing tonight ?!

Tobirama : * sitting in a chair and petting a cat * Same thing we do every night, Izuna. Trying to take over the world !


	188. A normal day in Konoha (part 4)

Hashirama : Don't do the thing, Tobi.

Tobirama : Okay. I won't do the thing.

* Several hours later, Konoha is on fire, people are screaming *

Tobirama : I did the thing.


	189. Winter is coming (part 4)

Hashirama : Give back the Uchiha, Tobi !

Tobirama : * laying under a pile of stunned Uchiha, purring * Never !


End file.
